Sunday, November 11, 2012

Wecome to the world, McKinley Cait!

My beautiful bestie gave birth at 2:39pm on 11/9/12 to a healthy baby girl McKinley Cait. She was 7lbs 8oz 20" long... Precious as they come!

Friday, November 09, 2012

Instincts and intuition

Well, one of my besties will be 40wks pregnant Monday, and was scheduled for induction that day. Something made me wake up to the vibration of my phone text... Which I normally ignore. She's at the hospital with strong contractions. I felt it! Come on McKinley! Give your momma a break and let her have an easy delivery, minimal pain and happy baby! Can't wait to meet you!

<3 aunt cat

Friday, October 26, 2012

One year: Our family chain is broken

They say memories are golden Well maybe that's true But we never wanted memories We only wanted you.

A million times we've needed you A million times we've cried If love alone could have saved you You never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly In death we love you still In our hearts you hold a special place No one could ever fill.

If tears could build a staircase And heartache build a lane We'd walk the path to heaven And bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken And nothing seems the same But as God calls us one by one The chain will link again.

~autthor unknown

We miss you Rachel!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Did I grieve, or just get it done?

This past week leading up to the one year anniversary of the death of my sister in law at 34 has been wreaking havoc on me.

Just how many people do you know of that break down in tears at the county clerks office? Switching the title over from her name to his... Damn, that made it real... Very real.

After that I've had short bouts of tears for no reason. At the time; it was all mechanical. This, this, this, and that needs to be done. No time to think, no energy to allow for tears or weakness. I needed to be the strong one for my brother. I don't regret doing any of it one bit, but as the day gets closer (Friday, the 26th)... The more evident it becomes to me that I never really grieved... I just did what needed to be done.

I was driving to pick him up at work today the song "his mercies" came on the radio, and set me off AGAIN.

The song itself is beautiful, but this particular portion really hit me and reminded me that hey, you are still needed where you are, this is the purpose I have for you right now. Do not question.
" Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, What if Your healing comes through tears, What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near, What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"

I trust your trials, Lord, I do...  Well, I do my best.

Friends, fellow bloggers, please remember us, pray for us, my bro especially, and my whole family as we make it through the end of our first year without her.

Monday, October 08, 2012

I know you're here

Tomorrow will be exactly a year from when my sister in law was hospitalized. On October 26 she left this world, and left us all with a big hole.

At the start of this month my brother and I have been experiencing her presence. Things showing up, being moved, dreams, etc. It's a bit strange, yet oddly comforting. The following lyrics from Barry Manilows song "I know you're there" explain it perfectly.

My friends all use the past tense when they speak of you And so to make them comfortable I use it too They'd soon have me committed if they only knew What I believe with all my heart is true

I know you're there Although it's nothing I can prove I know you're there By just the way the shadows move And though I said goodbye and finally let you go I know you're there Although I don't know how I know

I know you see The crazy things I sometimes do They make you laugh So I still do them just for you And when I'm entertaining all the friends I love I know you see And that you're laughing from above

You needn't panic I'm not consulting any guru Calling psychics Or practicing with voodoo I'm not manic or depressive I just miss you

So I'll go on Enjoying every lovely day Because I'm sure You would've wanted it that way And when there's sorrow it's no more than I can bear Because you are, and always were, and always will be there

Friday, August 24, 2012

Thoughts on healing; 5th in series

Hey all, sorry for missing yesterday, I had to recoup from my trip and think about some things.

The very thing I'm healing from has reappeared in my life proposing reconciliation. I have some concerns about doing so. But as long as I follow my heart and take my brain with me, I should be ok with whatever I decide. I also need to remember todays' thought on healing...

"Do not seek a remedy in others, but only in yourself."

Where in your life is todays' thought applicable to you?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Thoughts on healing; 4th in series

"Give light and the darkness will disappear of itself."

Well folks, today is random acts of kindness day. Appropriate, given the thought I had chosen for today.

Today was our last day visiting Atlanta, and it didn't exactly go as planned. We ran into so many hiccups but I remained calm throughout most of it. I maintained my friendly demeanor for 98% of the time, and acted kindly, gave light. I noticed that people really responded to it. Everyone was friendly in return and smiled, spoke kindly. That was the silver lining to our foil plated day. And that made it wonderful!

Until next time, I would like to know how you would perform a random act of kindness. It doesn't have to be some grand gesture, just something kind that you wouldn't always do. Can you commit to doing something like this for any interval of time in a month, a week, a year? I realized when I gave light, I got it in return, but that will not be my reasoning to do so again. Go, my friends, give light into the darkness of this world!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Thoughts on healing; 3rd in series

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

This is the Gods honest truth. And by the grace of God and sheer dumb luck I have had the most amazing friends put into my life. Friends who take me and sit through doc appts with me, visit or call, send silly texts to cheer me up, run me around or just talk to me.

Or, like one friend, he knows, or should know who he is... Comes to the e.r. in the middle of the night to help console his friend.

I've never forgotten that friendship or the unspoken bond that we've always seemed to have. Even after being out of touch for years, his unexpected smiling face reminded me how much I missed talking to and chilling with this great guy! Just like the cliche great friendship, after not speaking for ten years... Each time we have, its like nothing has ever changed. He's still that inspiration, voice of sanity and relaxation. I always feel so confident and empowered after speaking with him. I hope that I provide him with some semblance of the same. I love you! And I love all my friends! You are all the key to survival, and that's the truth!!!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Thoughts on healing; 2nd in the series

Hey everyone. I just realized that I didn't really give any background to what I'm doing. Someone gave me a tiny box right before my 1st surgery with a small stack of cards inside and its called "a box of thoughts on healing". Each card holds an inspirational message related in some way to healing physically, mentally or emotionally. So, with that said... Here is todays thought on healing....

"Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity."

I'm taking the healing into my own hands and enjoying life as a single and Godly woman who is daily striving for a closer walk. The opportunity to heal is mine, and I refuse to hand that over or allow to anyone else to toy with or try to change. I'm a strong, confident, and immensely life loving woman with a lot to offer. It's about time I allow it to enter in.

Until next time, tell me your thoughts on the post and how YOU plan to integrate this into YOUR life.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Thoughts on healing. 1st in a series

"The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly."
- Cora May White Harris

I've prayed on everything I professed in my while I'm waiting blog. I just need to act.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Property of...

Lyndon Tucker Miracle, due to arrive December 2012. Son to Arley and Cory.

Can't wait to meet this little guy, ever since I heard his heart beat in one of my best friends bellies! It's not finished yet, but it's getting there!

While I'm Waiting

And another one bites the dust, so to speak. Perhaps I should quit loving with my whole heart, that way when it ends it might not hurt as much. Fortunately, for anyone who knows me, also knows that this is a preposterous concept for me. Everything I do, I do with my whole heart; that will never change... Even if I do have a greater chance of being hurt again.

With this loss comes a desire in me to find a love greater than all the ones before. An even greater desire is that God leads that man to me and opens my eyes and heart when the time is right.  That he reveals the love he has for me. Please pray that prayer with me.

A few things I've been doing to help prepare myself... Joining the church I've been attending, considering joining the choir. I've also been reading the five love languages for singles at the recommendation of a friend. I've also written out meaningful songs, phrases, and verses to encourage me in my healing and walk toward the future. In the coming weeks I will share some of the songs, verses, sayings, etc.

While I'm waiting by john Waller is the most meaningful to me. Below is what I plan on doing (two verses from the song)

"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord. And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on you, Lord. Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait."

"I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting"

Until next time