Monday, December 29, 2008

..........Friendship is my heart

Well... there is this funny thing that happens as you get older, you grow up (at least some people do).

As I "grow up" I have learned many things... sometimes... things that I wish I didn't have to learn, others that I can't believe I went this long without realizing.

I have learned that friendships take work. When I was younger, I was under the impression that if someone was my friend, I would not ever get mad at them and vice versa. That I wouldn't have to do anything other than be friends in order to have a good relationship. WRONG!

Just as newlyweds are under the impression that the love will just come... I was under the impression for way too long that friendships did not take work.

Recently I realized that just like any other relationship, friendship takes a bit of work. I love my friends with all of my heart, and they are such an amazing addition to my life. I figured out that friendship isn't about always being friends.

It's about loving these friends through the fun times, the crazy times, the hard times, and the trying times.
It's' about calling and talking just because you feel like it... even if you don't have the time... and even if you have absolutely nothing of importance to say (which is usually the case with me).

It's funny,... now that I have moved back home, I swear I think my friendship with one amazing friend (code shaft, lol)... has grown stronger because we are both making an attempt to call and chat whenever possible. I think it has helped me keep my sanity (shut up Sarah, I WAS sane at one time...stop laughing) now that I am back with my parents. Even though I miss her terribly, I think we talk more now than we had for awhile. We have grown so much closer, and I always enjoy making her laugh... we both seem to be really good at making the other laugh...especially when we aren't trying. Another incident of uncontrollable cackling....

Friends love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be, what you can give them, or how often you get to see them. I am blessed to have a select few "best" friends, whom I would not trade for all of the fake friends & aquaintences in the world. These friends know my heart, and I know theirs... and they know who they are.

Peace be still...please be still

I don't really have a whole lot to say at the moment... other than I am procrastinating and my mind is running all over the place. Bad, bad, bad.

I considered doing a research project on procrastination... but I never got around to it .

I am trying to organize my bedroom and study... and it is a daunting task,...anyone wanna come help?

I keep moving from one thing to another...and can't seem to get anything done.

I think my problem is I FINALLY have a day to myself, for the most part... and truthfully, I just want to stay in my pj's and curl up in the bed and watch tv.

Since I moved back in with my parents, I am constantly being questioned about what I am doing, why I am doing it, and how long I will be doing it... and I just ...grrr. I am 26 years old, and being treated like a kid most days.

I am greatful to have such supportive and loving parents who are willing to let me stay with them until I get established enough etc to be on my own again....but some days...

On to my next topic...

I am really wanting to start looking for a church family again. I really miss it, but haven't found anywhere that I really like...and haven't been looking that hard.

Well, I suppose I should work for a bit and then take a little rest.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Aunt Cat is Pennsylvania Bound


This isn't completely official yet, but it's official enough for me to blog about it... because I need to.

My Aunt is undergoing surgery in mid January, and it is looking like my mom and I will be heading up to PA to help out with everything. I need to try and get a job lined up for when we return though. We are both very worried about her, and my other two aunts and how they will get through it all.

No one asked us to go up, but we both feel like we should, and we want to. It is very hard being so far away from my aunts and my Goddaughters. I miss them all so much.

My best friend since birth (literally) is getting married in October, and is having a mini "engagement" party at the begining of the month, so hopefully we will be there in time for that.

I am also really worried about my Goddaughter Madison.

She has always been so active, and still is... but for the past few years she has been getting sick frequently, and it always seems to hit her...HARD. A few weeks ago it was a bad case of pneumonia, and now it is something called 5ths disease...never heard of it, but it is apparently legit. What worries me the most is her fevers... she keeps spiking temps of up to 106 that just won't stay under control on their own. I am scared to death of it spiking during the night and causing irreversible damage...I knew someone from church who was permanently handicapped mentally from a spike in temp.

I will feel much better once I see her and hug her... I am thinking this Aunt Cat is gonna be tagging along to the doc's if her mom will let me. I miss them both so much (left to right Madison, Aunt Cat, and Emma). Emma doll, you my dear need to stop growing too! You are both just getting too big! You don't need to hold off growing too much longer, Aunt Cat is on her way (in a week or so).

Friday, December 26, 2008

It's been awhile

Hey everyone!

My apologies for taking so long to post again, I will try to do better now that I am DONE SCHOOL!!!

There have been a lot of changes in my life lately... I graduated with my Masters in counseling, and am currently seeking employment and supervision so that I can get licensed in the not to distant future. I am still alone, and still no if anyone knows any motivated single men...send em my way, lol. Many of my friends have gotten married, suffered losses that I can't even begin to relate to, and had children. I had the opportunity to see the movie fireproof, and it moved me...even as a single woman, it was thought provoking and worthwhile.

Last April I suffered a small stroke that completely turned my world upside down. It confirmed to me that there are some people that just can't handle being friends with someone who is sick...and there are others who would take a bullet for me, and support me no matter how tough the times are, without any alterior motives.

Someone whom I considered to be a very dear friend completely stopped talking to me after this incident, but handled it for two years prior. It killed me for so long, and then when she accused me of trying to make her feel guilty for cutting off contact, the knife was not only in me, but was twisted. For about a week recently I was really upset because I felt (and some days still do) that I had/have been forgotten by someone whom I, unfortunately will never forget. But through lots of prayer, listening to loss of friendship songs, and just allowing myself to be upset, I have been feeling better about the situation.

I have strengthened my relationship with one of my best friends, and I feel more like she is a sister. I don't know what I would do without her. God has blessed me with amazing friends who understand and rejoice with me in my strengths, support me through my weaknesses, and encourage me in my future.

I hate not being around my "sister" Sarah anymore since I moved back in with my parents in Cleveland. But we talk so much more now, and honestly...I doubt our parents could have handled us as sisters. Sarah and Caitlin, I love you both and could not live without your friendship. And Beck, I love you too!... Being so far away has pulled us apart somewhat... but I miss you and can't wait to be the maid of honor in your wedding.

I came across a wall hanging that spoke to me... it said "There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there is a reason why they didn't make it into your future."

The verse Peter 5:10 was also helpful in the healing process. Everyone has a story.

So, that is all for now, I believe.