Monday, September 19, 2011

Dating dilemmas

After everything that has transpired over the past few months, I finally feel ready to date again. It was important that I wait until I had come to terms with everything before getting back into things...I didn't want to chance projecting past issues onto new relationships.

And here I am, starting this dance all over again. As some of you may recall from previous posts or personal knowledge, my health significantly diminished my ability to date much.

A constant struggle for me has been when to tell someone about my health problems. It is terribly stressful, frightening, and slightly embarrassing. It is a delicate balance that I try to handle with as much grace and humor as possible.

My dilemmas are as follows....

Why would anyone want to date or be in a relationship with someone who lives with pain and illness every day of their life? With someone who has learned to live, laugh, and love with a smile, through the pain, ...just so everyone else is comfortable.

+ When is there a good time to tell them how some days just getting a shower is a big accomplishment that might require a nap to recover?
+ When do you disclose that every so often you have days where you can barely lift your head, much less get out of the bed?
+ How about meds? How do you explain that you take a daily cocktail of prescriptions just to keep you functioning and healthy at your normal?
+ What about how the pain can be so bad that putting clothes on makes you cringe, and a gentle hug might reduce you to tears?
+ Here's a kicker; when should you explain that as much as you love to kiss, if its going to be longer than a minute you need to sit so that you don't piss your head off?

When should you take the risk of telling them even though you're used to people running when you do?

I don't always believe it, but, My only answer is this...

The illness is a part of me, but it does it define me.
If someone can't handle me at my worst, they most certainly don't deserve me at my best.

I just keep praying that the right person will come along and love me for everything that I am, everything I am not, and everything I will become, as Catherine...perfectly imperfect.
Looking forward to the day when that guy comes around and stays around.

Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers?...

1 comment:

Sarah said...

First of all, I am constantly impressed and inspired by your level of maturity and wisdom. I mean, I've known you all these years, and should not be surprised... I guess it's that you articulate it so well.

I am glad that you are jumping back in there. You are absolutely right to expect a man to understand or at least be willing to understand these important issues in your life. I would probably go with little bits of info at a time, adding up to your whole life-story, as opposed to your whole life-story in one convo. However it happens, though, I know that it is scary, and a huge test of someone's worthiness. Will "he" listen, ask questions, read about what you tell him, and be the man you need and deserve? Only time will tell, I guess. What I do know is that you will find the right guy. You WILL. And until then, never forget your friends (such as me) and family that love you no matter what.