Monday, July 12, 2010

Cough Like a Real Woman...Beware, it's long

OK. Some of you are probably wondering why the heck I haven't posted anything lately. Well, I have a legitimate reason... many of them actually...Over 75 to be specific.

The last couple weeks of June I had bouts of stomach bugs/flu, etc. At least thats what I thought. For an entire week and a half I went without being able to keep in anything but a few ice chips. Halfway through it I was in such distress that I requested to be taken to the hospital. I'm used to getting sick more than normal; but even for me, this wasn't normal. I was kept in the ER for about 7 hours. I was exxtremely dehydrated (duh) and had what they claimed to be a stomach flu as well as bronchitis. FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC! Was given IV nausea medicine, an incredibly disgusting mix of malox and lidocaine - which I was suprisingly pleased to get because it stopped my throat from burning from all the stomach acid I was vomiting up. And a boat load of IV fluids. They sent me packing at 6am ith an RX for sublingual nausea meds and antibiotics. Damn thing didn't work well at all. Anytime I tried to eat anything but ice, I lost it (to put it mildly). Another few days of this and I again decided things were not normal and needed to be taken to the ER.

So this is when I get REALLY pissed. Here I am, in the wheelchair too weak to even walk, sitting in the triage room. my nose was itchin g really badly, so I was rubbing it. Damn nurse says to me "no wonder your stomach is messed up you are shoving snot up and back in". Lady... newsflash: I've itched my nose for 27 years of my life and not once has it caused this intense stomach pain and nausea. I get in my teeny tiny ER room and get poked, proded, etc. they determined it was my gallbladder after the most agonizing abdominal ultrasound. A surgeon was paged immediately due to the severity. He came in and was extremely pleasant, informative, and reassuring. He determined that it would be safest to get my pain and nausea under control before surgery, admitted me and then hooked me up with some medicine that allowed me to rest for the first time in week +. Surgery was first thing in the morning.

Because of the chiari surgery I had, they have to be super careful when intubating me. Turns out they were able to get the tube in without tourqing my neck at all. Evidentally I scared the pants off the anesthesiologist when describing my different conditions. Dr. Dunn performed the surgery and was less than pleased to find the worst gallbladder he had EVER seen. Over 75 gall stones, many of which were the size of golfballs. It was so enlarged he had to make the one incision twice the size he would usually need. In addition to this awesome find, he got another suprise. Because my gallbladder was SO enlarged, it pushed into my liver... and they grew COMPLETELY together. So that had to be surgically separated. AWESOME. mind you, this is a normally same day procedure. I was hospitalized for four days and nights. My appetite would not come back, and the pain was very hard to control, in addition to my lungs collapsing. Normal = NOT ME. So, skip ahead to my follow up.

Appetite has returned, had about a week where I ate everything that wasn't nailed down. This also included a strange and unexplainable craving for meat. Was on some painkillers that did a great job keeping me comfortable, and evidently hillarious. Then the week came to an end, the painkillers were running out and I was still in way more pain than I thought should be. So I got a refill of something different that kinda worked but wasn't as effective. Had my follow up appointment. Went well-ish. Aside from the fact that my bellybutton had COME OPEN! Oh, and he had to remove a knot that had worked its way through the skin at the one incision. SERIOUSLY?? After gluing me and taping me back together (literally surgical glue and steri strips), he placed his hand on my bellybutton and says "cough". So after a puzzled look from me thinking this sounded more like something he would be saying to a man while checking for an "issue"... I cough gently. He explains he needs to check and make sure I don't have a hernia under the bellybutton. So, again he says "cough, but COUGH LIKE A REAL WOMAN". After laughing hysterically at the comment, I oblige although it was EXTREMLEY painfull. No hernia, thank goodness! My orders are as follows: no work for another 2-4 weeks... seriously. No lifting, plenty of rest, etc. Oh, and more pain pills... because ITS NORMAL TO STILL BE IN PAIN! "If it hurts, don't do it".

And that is the long ass story of how I got another four scars.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

lmao- you're so funny. So glad you are doing better!

"newsflash: I've itched my nose for 27 years of my life and not once has it caused this intense stomach pain and nausea"- haha, for reals!