Sunday, September 10, 2006

Normal would be nice

So...
I am starting my third week of grad school on Monday. And I have a fever of 100.2 ... marvelous!
This really frustrates me. The problem you ask?... I have been trying to do too much right off the bat. I am trying to be "normal". Doing things that other people want me to do, and truthfully, I want to do most of the things too.

Things that are zapping my energy/stress me out/in need of processing:

1) forging new relationships in and out of school.
-my current friends know all about my health issues and accept them. They have had time to
process the information, and don't hold it against me when I am too tired to do something or
call them back.
- I haven't had as much time socializing as most people my age have. They have gone on plenty of
dates, had relationships, etc... I haven't. It's all as new to me as it was to most people in high
school. ( I was in HS for a year or two off and on, and dated a bit, was in a two year
relationship, had friends...but not to the same extent).
- So I freak out REALLY easily! This is especially true with the opposite sex. I'm just now
comfortable around guys that I have known for a semester... see how wierd I am?
2) school work
-reading and studying can be difficult and energy consuming for me. My mind does not work
like everyone elses. I can't always verbalize what I'm thinking, which makes me look stupid
sometimes.
-if I end up sick, the work is even harder for me. Concentration is a joke!
3) adjusting to being away from home
-calling my mom and letting her know what I'm doing etc... I realize I shouldn't have to do this
at my age, but if your mom had been through with you/done for what she has done for me,
it's a small price to pay to keep her at ease.
4) keeping existing friendships in tact
-getting to do things with friends is a favorite use of my energy, but often follows after school.
So I don't always have the resources to do what I would like to do.
5) explaining myself
--I feel like I always have to account for my actions as to why I can't do something, when
in reality I should just let people deal with it and not worry.

Well I feel a lot better now, although I'm sure I sound like a complete loser and a wreck. But you know what? I have friends and family who love me, and my health comes first.

And I hope to take all of these difficulties that I encounter, and use them as tools to allow me to help other people with chronic health problems cope, live, learn, and love.

That's all for now! And comments are very welcome!
Cat

1 comment:

A Lui said...

Life is normal to the outside eye... but for each individual, we all feel to have a not-so-normal life. I know it may sound slightly insensitive but its what I call black & white reality.

You have a life most people would envy until they truly know you! I know life isn't perfect & if we all know that everything is a balance then finding a way to keep that balance is what we should strive for. So, continue doing what keeps you balanced & we all know opinions are only as important as how you value them. :)