Sunday, September 10, 2006

Normal would be nice

I am starting my third week of grad school on Monday. And I have a fever of 100.2 ... marvelous!
This really frustrates me. The problem you ask?... I have been trying to do too much right off the bat. I am trying to be "normal". Doing things that other people want me to do, and truthfully, I want to do most of the things too.

Things that are zapping my energy/stress me out/in need of processing:

1) forging new relationships in and out of school.
-my current friends know all about my health issues and accept them. They have had time to
process the information, and don't hold it against me when I am too tired to do something or
call them back.
- I haven't had as much time socializing as most people my age have. They have gone on plenty of
dates, had relationships, etc... I haven't. It's all as new to me as it was to most people in high
school. ( I was in HS for a year or two off and on, and dated a bit, was in a two year
relationship, had friends...but not to the same extent).
- So I freak out REALLY easily! This is especially true with the opposite sex. I'm just now
comfortable around guys that I have known for a semester... see how wierd I am?
2) school work
-reading and studying can be difficult and energy consuming for me. My mind does not work
like everyone elses. I can't always verbalize what I'm thinking, which makes me look stupid
-if I end up sick, the work is even harder for me. Concentration is a joke!
3) adjusting to being away from home
-calling my mom and letting her know what I'm doing etc... I realize I shouldn't have to do this
at my age, but if your mom had been through with you/done for what she has done for me,
it's a small price to pay to keep her at ease.
4) keeping existing friendships in tact
-getting to do things with friends is a favorite use of my energy, but often follows after school.
So I don't always have the resources to do what I would like to do.
5) explaining myself
--I feel like I always have to account for my actions as to why I can't do something, when
in reality I should just let people deal with it and not worry.

Well I feel a lot better now, although I'm sure I sound like a complete loser and a wreck. But you know what? I have friends and family who love me, and my health comes first.

And I hope to take all of these difficulties that I encounter, and use them as tools to allow me to help other people with chronic health problems cope, live, learn, and love.

That's all for now! And comments are very welcome!

1 comment:

A Lui said...

Life is normal to the outside eye... but for each individual, we all feel to have a not-so-normal life. I know it may sound slightly insensitive but its what I call black & white reality.

You have a life most people would envy until they truly know you! I know life isn't perfect & if we all know that everything is a balance then finding a way to keep that balance is what we should strive for. So, continue doing what keeps you balanced & we all know opinions are only as important as how you value them. :)