My dog Maggie had to be put to sleep on Wednesday because of two tumors (one pressing on her lungs, and one pressing on her liver, pushing everything out of place). Because of her age (14 in dog years...90 something in human years) and the size of the tumors, morally, ethically, and humanely, this was the only option. She was an adorable Yorkie... full of life and love! She absolutely loved to chase tennis balls and go swimming, she would even go down to the garden in the summer and come back with a turtle in her mouth.
I never really considered myself to be a dog person, mainly because of the messes they make (I guess)...but I loved her. Before we took her in to the vets, I told my cats what was going on (no, I'm not crazy... I just feel that animals are smarter and feel more than we give them credit for). Lefty, our 3 legged cat who had a fight with cancer several years ago and has been with Maggie since they were babies, did the most touching thing. I had to carrie Maggie into the house, and I told Lefty to say goodbye. He licked her on the head, and then put his nose in her ear for a minute or two, and then Maggie went limp in my arms. I really think he said goodbye, and that he somehow communicated to her what was about to happen. And I thought she had just died in my arms, but she hadn't. I never expected it to be this hard.
When we came home from the vets, seeing her food dishes on the floor sent me into tears again. The reminders seem to be never ending...her food, leash, bed, tennis balls etc. Swimming was not the same, nor was eating dinner and not having her there begging. Even my cats are missing her, I came down one morning to find Abby, our calico cat laying up on the chair by the doors in the kitchen staring out onto the porch at the bed where Maggie liked to lay when she was outside. Lefty continues to holler at the top of his lungs.
It is now Saturday, and I still keep crying off and on, but not as much. SO, how does this realte to living with CFIDS, well... for those of you familiar with it...STRESS KILLS (so to speak). My pain that was under control thanks to a new medicine, came back with a vengeance yesterday. And I now have an extremely sore throat and my fatigue is worse than usual. Hopefully this is just a temporary setback, and won't turn into a full blown relapse.
I never knew it would be this hard...
2 comments:
I just saw your comment over on my blog. First, thanks for writing - I really appreciate it.
Second (first really), I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot get over how strange this is to read. I had a beagle named Maggie and I was very much attached to her. It was hard to give her up - but with college and two parents with very full plates, I knew it was best for her to have a fuller life somewhere else. I also lost another beagle when I was 13 - I only had Sam for a year, but she is the dog I remember the most. She also had to be put down (like your Maggie) when she developed a tumor in her brain. I know what you're going through and I'm so sorry for it.
Hang in there, and do what lifts your spirits most. For me, it's writing - and you've probably seen, I'm pretty random. I hope to read some more writing form you soon.
Its odd how we all lose someone or something and it effects everything we do from that point on. Can't say I can relate as far as a pet... the closest is my eldest sister's dog, pooter. Never was sure how she came up with the name but she had a piece of me when she passed away. I would watch my sister's house when she was out of town & it was when the bonding start. Maybe it because I didn't have to worry about treating me different since I've always felt socially awkward.
Well, I'm not going to drag on about my moment but I'm grateful to be apart of yours and also be and additional asset to helping you get one step closer to not dealing with an illness you compromised your life for.
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