I Remember

I remember when I was fearless to the point where I would walk up to random people and say "excuse me, I have nothing to say"...

I remember getting a package of Leigh’s and going to the mall in PA and randomly placing them over people’s heads and saying "you have just been laid"...

I remember walking to Hardees in my aerobics class in HS while wearing a Chiquita banana costume and then singing "Happy Birthday Mr. President" while standing on the table...

I remember when I had enough energy to get up at 7am after a rowdy sleepover and then at 8am proceed to walk the neighborhood singing "my backs a breakin' my bra's too tight" with mountain dew in our hands.

I remember when energy was always there, and it wasn't necessary to sleep for hours on end just to do things I enjoy.

I remember when I didn't need medication to keep me going every day, to keep the pain at bay and my energy at a somewhat normal level.

I remember when life seemed carefree and the world was at my fingertips.

I remember when I didn't have to pretend that I feel good all the time.

Recently…

I remember new people coming into my life, and mixing things up. New friends, new experiences (really new)!

Now I remember feeling a little bit of invincibility in recent days, and that scares me, because I tend to push myself too hard.

I remember wondering what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life.

And why someone would actually be interested in me.

I remember crying just the other night, like I have never cried before… because I just want to be normal again. The word hysterics does not even begin to explain how distraught I was.

I remember feeling that maybe I am not as strong as I once thought. How can I help others, when I am hurting so bad inside, but I feel like I have to hide it… or explain it.

I remember… I am strong enough.

God brought everyone into my life when my heart was open and ready to accept them. He did not give me more than I can handle, I just need to be reminded of this once in a while.

I remember, I have friends going through things that I could not handle. I love you all. Thank you for your love and support, laughter and friendship, silliness and insanity. I am blessed.